Frederica Wilson’s Gaudy Hat Stumps Twitter’s Verified Liberals™

Representative Frederica Wilson’s brazen lies about other people and their tragedies is not what this article is for. We know she lied, we know she is classless with her eavesdropping on personal condolence calls. But that won’t stop the left from having and eating their spoilt cake.

The left will celebrate Wilson anyway, because she’s intersectional or unalike the founding fathers or whatever. They happily treat her as an underrepresented puppet paraded around to distract voters from centuries of overt, systematic, Democrat racism. Wilson is an oppressed minority, you see, in a country she passes laws for…

So let the left celebrate, as enthusiastically as first class passengers on the Titanic applauded their own extravagance, moments before sudden catastrophe. But this article is not about Democrats crashing into an iceberg and losing relevance.

This article is about big hats and the people who wear them.

I love me a good cowboy hat.

Cowboy hats are pure Americana from yesteryear which still enjoy practical daily wear and stylish varieties. Men and women alike wear these hats, and for good reason. They’re tony-the-tiger-tier grrrrreeeeaaaat! And as newly minted rockstar Frederica Wilson teaches us — you can even bedazzle them!

Lately, two major players in cultural politics are becoming renowned for their cowboy hats.

First, there’s conservative Wisconsinite Sheriff Clarke:

He’s not very popular among lefties. Probably because he’s black, handsome, patriotic, and thinks just as poorly of his critics. He also despises BLM activists.

So the left hates him.

I present three tweets, first from Oliver Willis, Senior Writer at ‘wannabe-Breitbart’ Shareblue:

Oliver, if you’re reading this, please change your shirt, expression, and pose away from a storm shelter. We all hope you can do better. Your current pic looks like you’re about to hide in your storm shelter, bottle your own farts, and act nothing like Superman despite wearing the tee. I like your tee though.

Second we have Joe Berkowitz, culture writer at FastCo, who will probably delete this tweet after he’s told to book burn delete tweets peddling the failed Russia-conspiracy hook. Cultural expert indeed…

If you’re wondering both of Joe’s profile pictures are taken from a rightward 3/4 angle, it’s because the other side looks like this:

Now, I wouldn’t typically attack someone for their looks, but he’s already given me permission to tell him to fuck right off forever:

Ah, so Ben Shapiro makes a tweet about Hollywood, mentioning no president or politician ever. And what does Joe do? He immediately makes it about Bill Clinton versus Donald Trump. How progressive!

Honestly, whatever.

But last and not least, there’s David Lazarus, a consumer columnist for the Los Angeles Times who forced his follows to consume the same bad joke twice:

I wish my raised middle finger were a consumable, so that Lazarus could wax poetic about it. Clearly the only setback for ‘funny hat wearers’ is being conservative. Just ask Lady Gaga what I mean.

And as a bonus, and because I just love hats and want to get to it, here’s a totally reasonable tweet from a far left religious writer Jack Jenkins at ThinkProgress:

Now to the hats!

Because lefty narratives judge on appearance, and not character, we have this gem from esquire:

You see, women in legislative positions wearing bedazzled rodeo hats are totally indistinguishable from armed Wisconsinite Sheriffs. Such an apt comparison! And therefore it’s ironic and newsworthy that Esquire make such a crude comparison.

Kristen is a senior writer for Gizmodo. Gizmodo is a blog, just like this one. So really she’s just a verified liberal™ with a thing for spurious hat ladies.

But she has a point, the silver lining of Trump’s latest debacle the latest coordinated leftie smear is hats.

Why are hats the silver lining?

Hats, be them pussy caps or bedazzled rancher-wife getups, are costumes. The leftist has not yet realized their weakness lies in their presentation. The frothy race-baiting diatribes are cringe enough, and if you add a silly hat, you get this:

Or this:

Or even, dare I post it, this:

A hat is a gamble. If done right, you look glamorous and cool. If done wrong, even if at first exciting or novel, you end up looking like a fool. Leftists have thrown all their eggs into a single like-minded basket. The genuinely believe all their colorful pomp and glitzy headdresses will attract voters.

So the silver lining is to encourage them. Let them walk farther down the narrow path until they realize they’ve walked to a cliff.

And when voters go to pull levers in 2018, they’ll wonder what, exactly the left can offer. Besides great hats.